Words from a totem animal by W.S. Merwin

Words from a totem animal

Distance
is where we were
but empty of us and ahead of
me lying out in the rushes thinking
even the nights cannot come back to their hill
any time
————
I would rather the wind came from outside
from mountains anywhere
from the stars from other
worlds even as
cold as it is this
ghost of mine passing
through me
————
I know your silence
and the repetition
like that of a word in the ear of death
teaching
itself
itself
that is the sound of my running
the plea
plea that it makes
which you will never hear
oh god of beginnings
immortal
————
I might have been right
not who I am
but all right
among the walls among the reasons
not even waiting
not seen
but now I am out in my feet
and they on their way
the old trees jump up again and again
strangers
there are no names for the rivers
for the days for the nights
I am who I am
oh lord cold as the thoughts of birds
and everyone can see me
————
Caught again and held again
again I am not a blessing
they bring me
names
that would fit anything
they bring them to me
they bring me hopes
all day I turn
making ropes
helping
————
My eyes are waiting for me
in the dusk
they are still closed
they have been waiting a long time
and I am feeling my way toward them
————
I am going up stream
taking to the water from time to time
my marks dry off the stones before morning
the dark surface
strokes the night
above its way
There are no stars
there is no grief
I will never arrive
I stumble when I remember how it was
with one foot
one foot still in a name
————
I can turn myself toward the other joys and their lights
but not find them
I can put my words into the mouths
of spirits
bt they will not say them
I can run all night and win
and win
————
Dead leaves crushed grasses fallen limbs
the world is full of prayers
arrived at from
afterwards
a voice full of breaking
heard from afterwards
through all
the length of the night
————
I am never all of me
unto myself
and sometimes I go slowly
knowing that a sound one sound
is following me from world
to world
and that I die each time
before it reaches me
————
When I stop I am alone
at night sometimes it is almost good
as though I were almost there
sometimes then I see there is
in a bush beside me the same question
why are you
on this way
I said I will ask the stars
why are you falling and they answered
which of us
————
I dreamed I had no nails
no hair
I had lost one of the senses
not sure which
the soles peeled from my feet and
drifted away
clouds
It’s all one
feet
stay mine
hold the world lightly
————
Stars even you
have been used
but not you
silence
blessing
calling me when I am lost
————
Maybe I will come
to where I am one
and find
I have been waiting there
as a new
year find ths song of the nuthatch
————
Send me out into another life
lord because this one is growing faint
I do not think it goes all the way

-W.S. Merwin

from Book of Hours: Love Poems to God

I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one
but I give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.
I've been circling for thousands of years
and I still don't know: am I a falcon,
a storm, or a great song?

--- Rainer Maria Rilke

My 80's Hair Progression: The high school years 1983--1986

*I like to call these the "awkward years".

Dear Joel

Dear Joel Smith:

It has been well over a year since AT&T gave me your recycled cell phone number. I think it's time that you man-up, settle your scores and take care of business. I have pleaded with your lovers, both male and female, to believe that I am truly not your new girlfriend, hiding you from them. I have spoken to your bill collectors, asking them to remove my number from their records. I have even spoken to some of your family members, who accused me of stealing your phone.

I cannot help but wonder about what kind of cockamamie scheme you've gotten involved in, which has made you flee the country. I imagine some kind of delicious embezzlement, in which you have finally stuck it to the man and high-tailed it to Belize, where you are now the proud owner of a mansion and a yacht, and of course, changed your name to Elmer J. Fudd.

All this time, I have made such an effort to take your messages, gladly, dutifully. But considering my recent lack of energy, I must tell you to take this job and shove it. It's time for you to show your face. Take responsibility and let me off the hook. Seriously, give your friends your new number. Face your lovers and tell them you've moved on to bigger and better things. Pay your damn bills, or drop off! I'm sick of your shit, Joel!

Finally, call your bank. There has been some "very unusual activity on your credit card"... Oh, and tell your pervy friends to stop sending those pics (Penis plane? Really? Would you seriously laugh at that shit?).

Sincerely,
Jennifer

PS - I honestly hope you haven't been murdered, or kidnapped because that would really make me look like an ass...